Tag Archives: Relationships

Reblog: Confront Your Toxic Relationships – O, The Oprah Magazine

Confront Your Toxic Relationships – O, The Oprah Magazine.

Greetings darlings

Just thought I’d share this post I came across on the Oprah Magazine website. The topic is dealing with toxic relationships and confronting them by asking yourself questions about the nature and dynamic of these relationships.

We’ve all had to deal with a toxic partnership, friendship, colleague or even a family member in our lives at some point. How we deal with these situations can either help us grow in a positive or a negative manner. Hopefully you choose the former 🙂

Hope you enjoy this post.

SG

In Love and War – A journey of my feeble heart

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 (Image: meetville.com)

Today’s post is a bit of an emo one, so please bear with me. The subject of love and relationships have been dominant on this blog as you would have noticed from the last few posts. The intention when I began this blog was to write about my feelings, experiences and thoughts about life, and also to connect with people who perhaps share a dfifferent view, diversity is after all the spice of life.

So today, my thoughts are turned to love and what we learn from it.

I’ve never been the relationship type. Throughout my teenage years I considered myself the poster girl for being free, fun and single to mingle. My friends on the other hand, were always dating and/ or in serious relationships. No judgement on my part but I witnessed the good and more often the bad that came with being so committed at such a fragile and young age.

Over time, I saw these fabulous, young girls compromise themselves in many ways, giving up bits of their soul and personlity to please their significant other only to end up being taken completely for granted or worse, being played and having their heart broken. “Never!!” I would boldly claim, “I will never be that girl”, I was determined not to change who I was for some douchebag who only end up hurting me. ..And then I turned 16 and met the heart breaker to end all heart breaks…

I met him through our parents who were friends and despite me not remembering him from our childhood, we apparently played together as kids. We were typical highschool sweet hearts even though we attended different schools, but you know I what I mean. I was head over arse in love with him and he was by far the hottest guy I had ever been with, although quite honestly this factor had little to do with looks and everything to do with how we felt about each other. We had our fair share of ups and downs and break ups and make ups. But we both thought that we were soul mates, meant to be. I think that when you’re young, relationships are something thats entered into with wild abandon and high hopes. Only to end up with shattered dreams and broken hearts.

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(Image: romanceneverdies.com)

It doesnt get any easier as you get older, but at least we become (somewhat) more matured and a little wiser with each experience. Having said that, there’s nothing as intense as experiencing your very first, very real heart break no matter what age you are. I remember the very last break up with Mr Heartbreaker, I had recently returned from my first overseas trip and obviously it changed me (for the better in my opinion) but he couldn’t deal with it. So less than a month after my return, he called it quits and it left me shattered. I remember balling my eyes out as my mother tried to helplessly console me. Needless to say, it was a defining moment in my life. I’ve since had few relationships and only one other as intense.

I learnt a valuable lesson from my first heart break. I learnt that I was capable of loving and being loved. I learnt that I can in fact be girlfriend material and more importantly, I have not been defeated by a failed relationship. I took lots of lessons out of that one experience and it’s since made me a better person.

Love will inevitably change you as a person, it will make you see the world in a new light. Love is not neccessarily something thats promised forever, I believe in the saying “Reasons and seasons”. People will come in to your life for a reason or a season, but they may not neccesaaily stay, sometimes they are simply meant to teach you a lesson and then move on. Love is a wonderful and sometimes very hard teacher, but if you pay attention, the lessons can be so rewarding.

SG – “..Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds..” – William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116 (an excerpt)

Daddy’s Little Girl

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Scrolling through the Twittersphere this morning, I came across a series of tweets brought back memories and some realisations. Someone was tweeting about the effect her relationship with her father had on her romantic relationships with the men in her life. She spoke of how much effort her father made for her and her family to live comfortably, how he was there to sacrifice and provide for them and that although she never grew up rich, they were always comfortable. This is something that is rare in the majority of our country.

She spoke of how she always looked up to her father and would consciously or unconsciously compare her boyfriend at the time to her father. She never witnessed any fights between her parents, to her, they never argued and she thought they had the perfect family. This of course led to her not being able to deal with any type of conflict and as soon as any problems would pop up in her relationship, she would bolt for the nearest exit, afraid to fight it out.

This reflection made me think of my own life. I’ve always been close with my father; we’re often told we have similar traits and ways of dealing with things. I have many awesome memories of our childhood and the fun we had on Saturday mornings after dropping my mom off at work in the CBD. We would go out for breakfast, and then stroll through flea markets where he would buy me random, pretty things, he fussed over me and still fusses over me, except once you’re an adult, it’s more annoying than cute. However still to this day, I’ll admit I’m somewhat of a “Daddy’s Girl”.

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I’ve realised that I made comparisons between my boyfriends and my father in the past and even at present. I would constantly compare the effort made and the manner in which things were done, often unfairly as no one had the same upbringing and childhood (unless of course you’re siblings). This is only natural I guess, as your father is the first male presence in your life as child, (I realise this is not always the case for some). Generally the perception of who males are and what their roles are in society is shaped by what you see and experience from having your father around, this is how you perceive men to always be when you’re young.

My father was and still is, to me a fine example of the typical doting dad and family man. He has his flaws and failings, but he takes his role in the home and workplace very seriously and I will always look up to him for that. However I have come to realise that I cannot expect the exact same treatment from the guys I date. Sure there are certain values and morals that I refuse to compromise on but they cannot and will not be exactly like my father. There are traits and quirks that set them apart, ways of doing things, as well as how they show their love.

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I suppose the sooner I make peace with this and learn to accept and appreciate the differences; perhaps I will open myself to new experiences and a fresh perspective on love.

SG – A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. – Anonymous

Stupid Cupid vs. Sincere St. Valentine

Hey folks, it’s that time of year again. Love is in the air and we’re being bombarded with a flurry of red and white themed advertising messages. These corny, sometimes over the top messages attempt to persuade us to shower our Valentine with unreasonably priced gifts, all in the name of Love …and commercialism (but that’s the part they leave out, naturally). After all, what better way to show that special someone that you really care for them than by giving them a stuffed teddy bear with the words, “I love you” stitched on to it’s stomach?? Take me now Jean Pierre, take me now. NOT.

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(image: valentinesday.blogspot.com)

Now before you go dismissing me as yet another Valentine’s Day cynic, hear me out. I’m all for expressions of undying love and having a day dedicated to the concept of taking out time out to show and tell someone how much they mean to you. I am not however, supportive of the crazy, commercialised, money making business that this day has become. I’ve always felt so sorry for my male friends when it comes to this time of year. There’s so much pressure and expectation from what we see in the movies, commercials or even from past experiences that more often than not it becomes somewhat of a comeptition to see who got the most extravagant gift. (Kinda like Christmas, right?)

It’s that one day in the year where (some) females literally lose their shit over something that, in the bigger scheme of things, hardly has any long lasting value (even if you get that stunning rose bouquet from Woolworths, it will die after a week). The expectations that some women have for this day is crazy. Ranging from insanely expensive dinners at some over priced restaurant (which will be choc a block full because half the city had the same idea as you) to even expecting to be proposed to! For the gentlemen out there, I do so pity you on these occasions.

Rest assured there are ways and means to get through Valentine’s Day without ending up in the dog box or worse, ending up single.

For those in relationships, why not make plans together? Draw up a list of exciting and romantic activities that you will both enjoy, make it something fun, memorable and something that won’t break the bank. There’s far more value in doing something that you’ve both decided on together  than leaving it up to the man, only for the woman to end up disappointed and frustrated. Another option..Ladies, why don’t you surprise your man for a change? Who said Valentine’s Day is only about the females? Y’all want equality right? 😉

Personally, I’ve decided to cook a special 3 course, candle lit dinner for my boo at home, I’ve made a special Valentine’s Day playlist (woohoo for the concept of mixed tapes, haha) and I intend on spoiling him by making all his favourite dishes.

For me, Valentine’s Day is about love. Real, genuine, sincere love. And not just the romantic kind. Love comes in all shapes, types and sizes. Showing you love someone is about more than gifts and the money you spend on them. It’s about acts of kindness, and remembering that at the end of the day, we’re all just humans wanting to love and be loved.

I hope whatever you do, however and whoever you celebrate this day with, that it’s filled with only the happy, positive emotions that love brings.

“Spread love wherever you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” – Anonymous

SG

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