Tag Archives: family

The Art of Letting Go

Image(Image: peace&projects.com) 

Happy Friday beautiful people! 

Lately I find myself constantly thinking about the past. Past experiences, memories, people I’ve met and moments I’ve shared with my friends and family. While I reflect on these experiences, both the good and bad, I look at myself and the state of mind I was in at that stage of my life and I think about how I’ve grown since and it almost makes me shudder to think how naive I was when I was younger. 

There is something to be said about reflecting on your past and the many ways it’s made you the person you are today. I always find it’s good to reflect upon what once was, however sometimes we tend to get stuck in that time. It’s easy to dwell on a time when perhaps you perceive that life was much simpler, happier or fuller. We can get so caught up in the way those moments and experiences made us feel that in our minds, we never really move on from it. We stay there in an emotional sense and refuse to open up to the possibility of making new memories and experiences.

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I find this often happens with love in the romantic sense. We’ve all had that one “perfect” relationship that we thought would be the one to last forever. Maybe it was with someone you thought was way out of your league or someone who adored you so much becasue they thought you were out of their league. Either way, it may have been the closest thing to happy ever after that you had. Until it all came crashing down. Funny thing about relationships, we know it will evolve in 1 of 2 ways, break up or marriage and yet when it dissolves, is there a pain worse than hearbreak?

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For a long time, I stayed stuck in the past of my previous relationship. Him and I had such a beautiful, deep, unique connection. I couldnt see myself with anyone else and despite not wanting to rush into marriage, we both knew this was something that could very well end up being “forever”. But reality hit and before I knew it, he ended our fairytale to seek greener pastures… As one does when you think you know better and when you think you havent experienced enough of “life” to settle down. 

I had to learn to let go of this man. Even though I loved him with every fibre of my being, even though I knew that he was the only one I could see the possibility of Forever with. I was in denial for a long time, thinking it was just a silly fight and all would be well after a few days apart. Sadly it was not so. After some time of mourning the loss and heartbreak, I picked myself up and decided to move on with my life. Fate would have it that I would meet someone in the most unexpected way and in the most unexpected circumstances. Murphy’s Law would have it that as soon as I began dating someone new, my old flame would realise he wanted me back and that he was ready to make the a commitment. Thats life I guess. When it rains, it pours. 

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This story seems a little off topic and long winded, but there is a point to all this. I struggled to move on for a long time after that relationship, every guy I met after the break up would be compared to him and it would just never match up. It was both frustrating and painful every time I dismissed an opportunity to get to know someone simply because I refused to let go of the past. 

But this new person was different somehow. After some time of hanging out and just getting to know him, I found myself opening up to him little by little as we spent time together. Having both recently come out of relationships, he understood the need to take things slow and just enjoy being in the company of another human being.  Almost a year later, I’m happier than I ‘ve ever been and I’ve learnt so much about what it means to love someone wholly without losing yourself. 

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It’s difficult to let go of the past, especially when it was a special time in your life, when you made experiences that are unforgettable. But when you finally find the strength to let go..You open yourself up to something new..something unexpected and something that has the potential to be even more beautiful than you could imagine.

 

SG – Let Go, Let God

 

Daddy’s Little Girl

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Scrolling through the Twittersphere this morning, I came across a series of tweets brought back memories and some realisations. Someone was tweeting about the effect her relationship with her father had on her romantic relationships with the men in her life. She spoke of how much effort her father made for her and her family to live comfortably, how he was there to sacrifice and provide for them and that although she never grew up rich, they were always comfortable. This is something that is rare in the majority of our country.

She spoke of how she always looked up to her father and would consciously or unconsciously compare her boyfriend at the time to her father. She never witnessed any fights between her parents, to her, they never argued and she thought they had the perfect family. This of course led to her not being able to deal with any type of conflict and as soon as any problems would pop up in her relationship, she would bolt for the nearest exit, afraid to fight it out.

This reflection made me think of my own life. I’ve always been close with my father; we’re often told we have similar traits and ways of dealing with things. I have many awesome memories of our childhood and the fun we had on Saturday mornings after dropping my mom off at work in the CBD. We would go out for breakfast, and then stroll through flea markets where he would buy me random, pretty things, he fussed over me and still fusses over me, except once you’re an adult, it’s more annoying than cute. However still to this day, I’ll admit I’m somewhat of a “Daddy’s Girl”.

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I’ve realised that I made comparisons between my boyfriends and my father in the past and even at present. I would constantly compare the effort made and the manner in which things were done, often unfairly as no one had the same upbringing and childhood (unless of course you’re siblings). This is only natural I guess, as your father is the first male presence in your life as child, (I realise this is not always the case for some). Generally the perception of who males are and what their roles are in society is shaped by what you see and experience from having your father around, this is how you perceive men to always be when you’re young.

My father was and still is, to me a fine example of the typical doting dad and family man. He has his flaws and failings, but he takes his role in the home and workplace very seriously and I will always look up to him for that. However I have come to realise that I cannot expect the exact same treatment from the guys I date. Sure there are certain values and morals that I refuse to compromise on but they cannot and will not be exactly like my father. There are traits and quirks that set them apart, ways of doing things, as well as how they show their love.

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I suppose the sooner I make peace with this and learn to accept and appreciate the differences; perhaps I will open myself to new experiences and a fresh perspective on love.

SG – A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. – Anonymous